New Years Eve (will I feel different tomorrow?)

Christmas is over. 2012 is in 7 hours. I've messed up a few times this year. But what's weird is that I feel more like my self when I do.
No one is who you think they are.

Smiles and Miles

My parents just left Lethbridge this morning. They were here to see Moveable Feast which is now over. They re-arranged my appointment and now it actually looks nice!
Yesterday there was also I huge fire around the west side as well as 144km/hr winds. My building was on emergency evacuation standby.
My boyfriend and I had a wonderful day together and watched Apocalypse Now. He wants to move to Calgary once he graduates. He graduates this summer. And I really do not want to move to Calgary. He is not %100 sure yet so its hard to talk about it. I don't do long distance.

I wish you luck on life and I hope you wish me the same! <3

Snow<3

I cleaned/rearranged my apartment! I still need to make my bed room livable, and organize my bathroom. And then I'll be good! Maybe my mom and dad will make my place more maintainable when they are here visiting. Oh I have to do dishes too!
It snowed today! It's exciting. I can't wait until the show I'm in is over and I can pay for my schooling or rent. Because I'll be able to work more hours.
I hope I do good this semester. And I hope Christmas will be a good break!

Almost over

I cast my Directing scene for class and now I need to figure out how to schedule my life with 3 different rehearsals, work, school, and homework. Meh so far not too fun.

Piano

Today I wanted to kill things during rehearsal. But after rehearsal our director gave my friend and I a ride home. She's a sweet person but a frustrating director.
Last night I stayed at the school after rehearsal for a while and played piano.
I also got 4 beta fish at the end of last week! They are lovely.

Work, School, Money, Show, & Family

I love my job but my manager can make me feel pretty shitty sometimes. School is good I feel. I'm not behind in classes. I can't write a good essay to save my life but I won't fail from that. Our show is coming along nicely. I'm looking forward to getting it on its solid feel. My brother got assaulted Saturday night and has a beat up face!
I have no money and I don't know how I'm going to pay for next semester. Or my rent or food. I have no food. Oh and I need a bus pass! I'm stressed and breaking down slowly. I have no time for anything and I have Ovarian cysts. Google it, it's fun. One two more months and everything should calm down. But until them I might cry.

I want to be loved

I want to be loved;
For my love of animals
For the songs always stuck in my head
For the faces I make
The noises I make
For the weird names I give things
And for the things I give names
For the decisions I make
The opinions I have
The movies I like
And the people I like
For the the wedding I want
And the babies I want
For the music I write
And the music I listen to
For the clothes I have
The jewelry I wear
And the things I cry at
I want to be loved for me

Burrrr

It's getting chilly out side. And my house is again a disaster! Again. I need to find motivation and time to clean.

Open your eyes

Hello bloggers! There is a grand total of 1 maybe 3 of you that read my blog sometimes. If you want me to blog about something specific just let me know.

Now to the point! I have a friend who has a girlfriend that he talks to less then once a day :( and over text. You can't hear love over text!!!!!!! You need to be able to look into someone's eyes, watch the things they do. When people fall in-love it's with all of the person, not just there words. And people change, if your not there to change with them technically they are no longer what you love, and you have had no opportunity to change around/with them...

Something's aren't meant to be, and something's stop being 'meant to be'

Greyhound

The north is beautiful. I miss my northern life.
A friend of mine and his wife are having a baby! I'm so existed for them. And another one of my friends is getting merried I'm one if her brides maids. We went dress shopping over the weekend. I spent most of my time this weekend with a girl-friend of mine. I missed my friends so much. I got to see everyone I needed Saturday night.
I really need to get my license. Then I won't have to worry about taking the greyhound and sitting next to people I don't know, and not make stops I don't need to.
But I think not having a car is what is keeping me in one place. I have cold feet when it comes to life. Cold, cold feet.
While in school I feel like I'm just waiting for school to be over. It feels like I'm always waiting. And every so often I don't want time to stop because I've reached what I was waiting for and when it's over I'll just be waiting again.
Lastnught was the best sleep I had over the weekend and it was at my friend Ryan's house in a decent sized bed with two other people! Best sleep ever! I needed there company.
When I have great weekends in Edmonton it's sad to leave.
I want to have things that tie me down but I do not want to ever be tied down. Like cats, a puppy, a boyfriend, a one year contract on my apartment. Next year and over the summer I am doing things differently.
And I'm going to make some real friends. To bad it takes me 3 or more years to do that. With the exception of Olas. :)

$ $ $

So my family is broke! And it's very sad. My rent bounced this month which is weird because I'm pretty sure at the time it went through that there was enough money in my account. Anyway now I have to go to my bank and get a money order and letter saying there was enough $ in my account so I don't have to pay a bounce fee. Geeeeeer.
I have a dentist appointment at 1:30pm today and rehearsal at 6:30. And my check should be at work today but I'll call and ask. Then go and get it so I have some money in my account  for Thanks Giving.
+ I'm sick.

It's been 'a' week.

Seasons like Emotions

Lethbridge is still pretty hot. 26-32 degrees Celsius. It is suppose to start raining here in a few days. That will be nice. It's actually been a while since I've been in a nice rain storm.
Rehearsals for Moveable Feast and shifts at Petland are starting to become more constant and reliable. Which is very nice!
Living in this City is starting to drive me crazy. There are elements of the big City that I miss. Like things being open past 9pm on any given night. And not just bars.
There is so much in life that I want. Like friends, close friends. The friends that I can do boring things with and have a good time. That I can vent to without bothering them. That I can always count on texting me back, picking up the phone, or meeting me somewhere. The security in knowing someone loves me. I guess after a year and a few months I still have not developed one of those friends. It's frustrating.
I didn't move here with an arrogant presence that I am amazing. But I did move here in faith and hope that I would feel amazing. So far goal not met. Some days I'm glad I moved here, others I just wish I was in the arms or within arms reach of someone who knows me.
Can someone tell me why I moved away? And why I refuse to believe or let my self ever move back? Because I don't remember,
It's been 13 months since I moved away from friends and family that love me more then some people are ever loved and I still cry at night on a regular bases. But will going back help? I don't think so. But perhaps a trial run will help my piece of mind? But I just got a job at Petland! Maybe for just a summer session of school in Edmonton next summer... We will see.

Thanks Giving

I miss home. And I'm going home next weekend for Thanks Giving!And on the Saturday night I am having a party! I want to see my friends!!!
I did get into that show! And I had my first shift of work last night and I LOVE it!
Today I think will be a Homework rest and relax day. But tonight I am going to a cast party for R&J a theatre Extra production put on at the U of L. I still don't drink though. And I'm liking it! It's been 3 months. Haha I'm talking like I'm an alcoholic! Which I'm not! :)
I like that I'm building a network of friends out here. I feel more safe/comfortable. It's just easier to live when you feel that way.
I'm also Volunteering at a seniors lodge doing scrap booking once a month. It will so great!!!

Almost...

My little sister just left. She spent the weekend here in Lethbridge with me. I took her to my callbacks, then to a costume birthday party on Friday. Saturday my boyfriend and I took her to brunch at The Cheese Cake Cafe. Then just her and I went shopping, watched The Emperors New Groove, and proceeded to go see Cowboy: A Cowboy Story where we saw lots of people she met at the party and callbacks. Today we went for a picnic and when we cabbed about her mom was already here ready to take her back home. Ha ha. It was good timing.

I've got training at Petland Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Friday. I find out on Mon, or Tues whether I got into the Movable Feast or not. I feel like I did but we will see. My life will be crazy if I did. Working, and rehearsal, school, and homework! But it will/would be worth it. I hope everything works out with my schedule. I haven't verbally talked to my boss yet about the show. Only e-mails. But tomorrow during training I will talk to her and give her a hard copy of my life.

On the boyfriend front there is lots of love. I wasn't sure if we were drifting or not but we seem ok. Being away from each other so often feels like is good for us. As long as both of us are busy. It makes seeing each other more special.

I have homework to organize so I am going to figure that out.

Bye for now!  

GOT A JOB

I got the job at Petland. And I'm super excited to start. I hope I only work 20-25 hours a week. But we will get into that when training starts. But I also want to audition for the main-stage at school. AH. I'm excited about life more now. I need to figure out the bus rout to work.
I'm off to a friend of mines party! First party of the school year. Oh and I went rafting down the old man river today with my boyfriend and a couple we are friends with. It was SUCH a good day. And there is
still more to go.
Buy now.  

Veggie Straws

So I couldn't think of a good title for this so the default was what I am eating. They are from Wal-Mart Super Center and very healthy not to mention tasty.
Today is Friday also the start of the first weekend since school started. I've got a fair amount of homework due mon, tues, weds next week. But its not all bad. This year started off way better then the last! Probably having something to do with actually knowing people. It is nice to have friends. :)
I bought a giant erasable by monthly calender to tack to my wall so I would not forget things. I just put it up and it is already working.
I'm sitting here on my couch watching my puppy chew on her rope thinking about how much I hope I get that job at Petland. As much as I want to be able to audition for things and not worry about scheduling... I do really need a job. And I would LOVE working in a pet store.
On Tuesday I'm auditioning for a show called the Movable Feast... Its about dancing fruit as far as I know. But its a main stage show and I'm gonna need one of those to graduate seeing as I'm changing from a Music to a Drama Major. I figure I have a decent chance at getting into this show.

Buy for now!

WHAT?!...what.?

I cleaned my house all day! And I must say it looks pretty nice. My bedroom and kitchen are what need the last touches. Which will take place tomorrow. I told the boyfriend I would make him dinner tomorrow night or evening rather. I think I'll make cor on the cob, veggies, potatoes, and... what ever meat he brings me to cook him. Seeing as I do not consume things that were once oxygen breathing, living, feeling things. But I have nothing against those who do.
My bestfriend(continue to Spontaneously Me to read my reason on why best-friend should be one word)  and her other bestfriend/lover/V-card taker/man-thing are having an interesting time in their lives. Its nice. I bet and hope they just get together and see what happens. This prolonged en-concluded conclusion is driving me nuts. Just get it over with you crazy people <3 ;)

Also I miss my man bestfriend!!!!!!!! So badly I could hurt innocent baby things. I miss him so stupidly much! Hopefully he is coming down for the Halloween weekend which is in 2 months but hey there is not much I can do from here.

Bye now

Life right now

School starts Wednesday and I don't know if I should change my major to Drama. I'm waiting for a taxi to take me to wal-mart while sitting in the Lethbridge hot sun. But I like the heat. I'm going to buy an automatic cleaning kittylitter box and food! My apartment is still a disaster zone. School starts in 3 days. I plan to be cleaned up and cleaned out by then! Wish me luck in figuring everything out.

Conflicted

So I don't have a job yet, and I have no money. I also have 6 months until my next student load comes in. My rent + bills with my roomate paying half rent I still need to come up with about $1200 a month. F my little life. I have no idea what to do. Be evicted and live in a box. Dam it!

Lonely much

School is back in. It's not to bad. But I'm going through another depression period where I miss people, I'm lonely, not motivated, and I'm sad. Sounds like fun eh? I wish one person is enough but what do you do when that one person is with others and your alone? Well you can feel the way I do today. I wish someone moved here with me sometimes. Money is a problem too. So stressful! Gurr!

I need a job

So I would really like a job. A job would be nice!I suppose I should start looking for one then... Yeah lol. So this Read-in-week Nara and Nic came to Lethbridge to see me! We all got a tattoo. And we made T-shirts! It was awesome.
Oh I want to work at a pet store omg! Yes.

Cross Roads

I am attending a University that I thought I liked. I thought I'd get I wanted from it. I'm living in a town house I thought I'd like. I thought it would become home. I met a guy who I know I love. But with everything else not working out its hard to even think about moving way.
There are people here that I like, but there is a person who makes me die inside every single time I see them, without fail. And as much as I talk about it, realize its stupid, and have people give me really good reasons why I shouldn't be so upset, I still am.
I don't want it to ruin my life. But I have no idea what to do. I have no idea where to go. I'm stuck in an emotional tornado of fear and hesitation.