Work, School, Money, Show, & Family

I love my job but my manager can make me feel pretty shitty sometimes. School is good I feel. I'm not behind in classes. I can't write a good essay to save my life but I won't fail from that. Our show is coming along nicely. I'm looking forward to getting it on its solid feel. My brother got assaulted Saturday night and has a beat up face!
I have no money and I don't know how I'm going to pay for next semester. Or my rent or food. I have no food. Oh and I need a bus pass! I'm stressed and breaking down slowly. I have no time for anything and I have Ovarian cysts. Google it, it's fun. One two more months and everything should calm down. But until them I might cry.

I want to be loved

I want to be loved;
For my love of animals
For the songs always stuck in my head
For the faces I make
The noises I make
For the weird names I give things
And for the things I give names
For the decisions I make
The opinions I have
The movies I like
And the people I like
For the the wedding I want
And the babies I want
For the music I write
And the music I listen to
For the clothes I have
The jewelry I wear
And the things I cry at
I want to be loved for me

Burrrr

It's getting chilly out side. And my house is again a disaster! Again. I need to find motivation and time to clean.

Open your eyes

Hello bloggers! There is a grand total of 1 maybe 3 of you that read my blog sometimes. If you want me to blog about something specific just let me know.

Now to the point! I have a friend who has a girlfriend that he talks to less then once a day :( and over text. You can't hear love over text!!!!!!! You need to be able to look into someone's eyes, watch the things they do. When people fall in-love it's with all of the person, not just there words. And people change, if your not there to change with them technically they are no longer what you love, and you have had no opportunity to change around/with them...

Something's aren't meant to be, and something's stop being 'meant to be'

Greyhound

The north is beautiful. I miss my northern life.
A friend of mine and his wife are having a baby! I'm so existed for them. And another one of my friends is getting merried I'm one if her brides maids. We went dress shopping over the weekend. I spent most of my time this weekend with a girl-friend of mine. I missed my friends so much. I got to see everyone I needed Saturday night.
I really need to get my license. Then I won't have to worry about taking the greyhound and sitting next to people I don't know, and not make stops I don't need to.
But I think not having a car is what is keeping me in one place. I have cold feet when it comes to life. Cold, cold feet.
While in school I feel like I'm just waiting for school to be over. It feels like I'm always waiting. And every so often I don't want time to stop because I've reached what I was waiting for and when it's over I'll just be waiting again.
Lastnught was the best sleep I had over the weekend and it was at my friend Ryan's house in a decent sized bed with two other people! Best sleep ever! I needed there company.
When I have great weekends in Edmonton it's sad to leave.
I want to have things that tie me down but I do not want to ever be tied down. Like cats, a puppy, a boyfriend, a one year contract on my apartment. Next year and over the summer I am doing things differently.
And I'm going to make some real friends. To bad it takes me 3 or more years to do that. With the exception of Olas. :)

$ $ $

So my family is broke! And it's very sad. My rent bounced this month which is weird because I'm pretty sure at the time it went through that there was enough money in my account. Anyway now I have to go to my bank and get a money order and letter saying there was enough $ in my account so I don't have to pay a bounce fee. Geeeeeer.
I have a dentist appointment at 1:30pm today and rehearsal at 6:30. And my check should be at work today but I'll call and ask. Then go and get it so I have some money in my account  for Thanks Giving.
+ I'm sick.

It's been 'a' week.

Seasons like Emotions

Lethbridge is still pretty hot. 26-32 degrees Celsius. It is suppose to start raining here in a few days. That will be nice. It's actually been a while since I've been in a nice rain storm.
Rehearsals for Moveable Feast and shifts at Petland are starting to become more constant and reliable. Which is very nice!
Living in this City is starting to drive me crazy. There are elements of the big City that I miss. Like things being open past 9pm on any given night. And not just bars.
There is so much in life that I want. Like friends, close friends. The friends that I can do boring things with and have a good time. That I can vent to without bothering them. That I can always count on texting me back, picking up the phone, or meeting me somewhere. The security in knowing someone loves me. I guess after a year and a few months I still have not developed one of those friends. It's frustrating.
I didn't move here with an arrogant presence that I am amazing. But I did move here in faith and hope that I would feel amazing. So far goal not met. Some days I'm glad I moved here, others I just wish I was in the arms or within arms reach of someone who knows me.
Can someone tell me why I moved away? And why I refuse to believe or let my self ever move back? Because I don't remember,
It's been 13 months since I moved away from friends and family that love me more then some people are ever loved and I still cry at night on a regular bases. But will going back help? I don't think so. But perhaps a trial run will help my piece of mind? But I just got a job at Petland! Maybe for just a summer session of school in Edmonton next summer... We will see.

Thanks Giving

I miss home. And I'm going home next weekend for Thanks Giving!And on the Saturday night I am having a party! I want to see my friends!!!
I did get into that show! And I had my first shift of work last night and I LOVE it!
Today I think will be a Homework rest and relax day. But tonight I am going to a cast party for R&J a theatre Extra production put on at the U of L. I still don't drink though. And I'm liking it! It's been 3 months. Haha I'm talking like I'm an alcoholic! Which I'm not! :)
I like that I'm building a network of friends out here. I feel more safe/comfortable. It's just easier to live when you feel that way.
I'm also Volunteering at a seniors lodge doing scrap booking once a month. It will so great!!!