Asking for Help and saying Thank You

Today was a rough day. But it could have been more difficult. Sometimes it feels like life has really restricting opportunities. And other days it feels like life is full of such freedom and promise. Turns out both are true.
God really showed up for me today. Obviously he is always there but he was really tangible today. And it doesn't always feel like that's the case.
Lately my bestfriend (from Lethbridge) Ryan has been down. Which in turn can make me down. But here's the thing;our friendship - any friendship- is a relationship. And that means you have to work through difficulties in life together. So I think I'll work on that a bit more.
Did I mention that Taylor Swift if my favorite thing right now? Because she really is. Adelle will always be my foundation but Taylor is like the sparkle on the beautiful base coat... you know?! That's how I feel anyways.
I talked to my grandmother today and it was wonderful. I love this woman. She said some of the best things to me. Like "Always pay yourself first! Even if it's only $5, every time you get payed." I think that's an interesting and admirable guideline to have see you through life. I love her so much. When she was talking to me today I just started to jot down all the quarky, witty,  and wise things she was telling me. It was delightful.
One of my roommates said she was going to move out. Thankfully Ryan and I found someone to take her room ASAP. Josh our good friend. I hope he does end up taking it. He is fun and wonderful. And I trust him not to kill me in my sleep. He just needs to make sure he can afford it.
The Love List goes up in a couple weeks. I'm very excited to get the walls and door and floor down for the show! Set/props designing is pretty sweet. I do enjoy it a lot.
Well I'm going to take a Gravol so that I can fall asleep. This medication for my Pneumonia keeps me away for way to long, it is time to take action. 
Thank God for the people and perspective in my life. 

And So Here I Am Now

There is this thing called 'being changed' that I had always searched for... It turns out that as soon as I decided to stop trying to change, and learn to love who I am, that's when I changed. I'm glad I changed when I did for the old me brought me to this wonderful place in my life. This place where tragedy can hit my world like a tidal wave and leave me standing almost as strong as I was watching it come for me. I'm pleased to say that has a lot to do with becoming a Christian or finding my faith, at least finding myself. I found some unison between my head and my heart for the first time.
I am currently listening to my new favorite artist Taylor Swift, who would have thought!? Haha. She's really working for me right now.
I was in the Hospital yesterday and found out I have Pneumonia. I went in the second day I was sick so we caught it in time to stop it from getting too bad, hopefully. I was at the Hospital for 6-ish hours by myself. What I'm getting at with that is that I wanted to be alone. And not in a sad way. I wasn't sad. It was OK, nice even.
Right now even though it might not be good for my health, I am on the Greyhound to Edmonton. My Great Aunt Vera passed away and her service is tomorrow at 2pm. She had Pneumonia ironically enough. I knew her. But I could have known her better. Still I promised myself I while ago that I would do everything in my power not to miss anymore funerals. I say anymore because I missed my favorite person in the worlds' funeral. And it may be one of the only things I regret. So yes this trip may not speed up my physical health, but it's good for my mental health. 
I've found this magical thing called forgiveness. It is hand in hand with Grace. And they have changed my life for the better. And with every time I show Grace and Forgive (myself or anyone else) I become so much stronger. I actually feel emotional strength. And it has got to be one of the best feelings. But it was not easy to get here I promise you that. And it's not hard to stray. The point is not, to not stray, but to always find your way back. And I am always finding it.

Remember

Your in my dreams and I wake up to find you gone. Leaving alone is what makes it so impossible to return. Effort could have saved us. But fear lost everything. We took the happiness for granted and now there is excruciating emptiness where the happiness went unnoticed. I hope I never again feel the way I did when we ended our life together. But I do believe that the pain was worth pure love I gave that I may never give so strongly again. Because it felt so good.

:)

I haven't written much in here lately. Im on a medication that makes my anxiety, depression, and OCD. I am happier now.
I am ASMing a theatre extra show. Greg is the lead in it too.
Also I love my job! I hope to be getting a bird! A cockatiel! Marcutio is His name <3
And even though Greg will be leaving Lethbridge after the first summer session, I'm going to stay in Lethbridge. Not 100% sure but that is my mind frame now.

New Years Eve (will I feel different tomorrow?)

Christmas is over. 2012 is in 7 hours. I've messed up a few times this year. But what's weird is that I feel more like my self when I do.
No one is who you think they are.

Smiles and Miles

My parents just left Lethbridge this morning. They were here to see Moveable Feast which is now over. They re-arranged my appointment and now it actually looks nice!
Yesterday there was also I huge fire around the west side as well as 144km/hr winds. My building was on emergency evacuation standby.
My boyfriend and I had a wonderful day together and watched Apocalypse Now. He wants to move to Calgary once he graduates. He graduates this summer. And I really do not want to move to Calgary. He is not %100 sure yet so its hard to talk about it. I don't do long distance.

I wish you luck on life and I hope you wish me the same! <3

Snow<3

I cleaned/rearranged my apartment! I still need to make my bed room livable, and organize my bathroom. And then I'll be good! Maybe my mom and dad will make my place more maintainable when they are here visiting. Oh I have to do dishes too!
It snowed today! It's exciting. I can't wait until the show I'm in is over and I can pay for my schooling or rent. Because I'll be able to work more hours.
I hope I do good this semester. And I hope Christmas will be a good break!